“YOU CAN’T GO HOME AGAIN”
I am actually okay with that. If it’s even possible to be more transparent in this blog about my weight loss journey, THIS POST WILL DO IT. This past weekend I celebrated homecoming with two friends at our alma mater, NIU, Home of the Huskies. Like anyone else who had an amazing college experience, my level of excitement was high. I get to go back. Reminisce. Take in every nuance of nostalgia. On the hour drive, we walked down memory lane: the hour long round trip bus ride to Sycamore because that’s where all the stores are, Thursday nights at Club Nu, spending hours looking/buying CD’s at Record Revolution, and my time on the Campus Activities Board. With all that group bonding, I couldn’t help to think about how unhappy I was about my body in college. The countless times I tried to reverse the “Freshman 15” that turned into the “Freshman 30”or went to the Rec Center to workout, only to get discouraged because to me, everyone was, in my Prince voice, “The Beautiful Ones.”
Homecoming was never pleasant for me. Due to my blessed upper body, I was never able to wear the cute little dresses or tops that the other girls wore. As confident and as sure of myself as I am now, ironically, I spent a lot of my undergrad, hoping, and wishing, and praying to look as good as my peers. I really didn’t know “my look” let alone who I was.
DISCLAIMERS OF FOLLOWING PIC (Taken with an actual camera! Gasp!)
– I was a HUGE Eve fan, especially the second album, “Scorpion.” I would actually sing “Let Me Blow Your Mind” in the shower.
– I was young and lacked confidence.
– I was insane (Will that excuse work?)
– My make-up game was M.I.A. (Missing in Action)
– Pre-Mammoplasty Reduction (Breast Reduction). Skinny lower body, full upper.
Yep. I know. I KNOW!!!!!!!!! Don’t pretend like you guys didn’t go through a phase or two in your youth. I’m the first to admit it. I BURIED this pic. BUUURRRIIIIEEEDDD. I look like the “main chick” that just got out of prison and her nieces are taking her “somewhere fancy,” and this is her idea of a “fancy” look. That scarf…that lipstick….that choker though….sigh….It happened. I can’t take it back. I said I WAS A BIG EVE FAN. We thank God for “transformation deliverance.” There are so many take aways about this pic: I was well over 200 pounds, and in 4 years after this pic, when I meet my now husband, that number will balloon to 250 pounds. About 15 pounds of that 200 was in my upper body. I got it honest. But really I would have been cool with any other genetic trait instead of that one. I KNEW NOTHING about nutrition or exercise, I was unhappy, unsure of myself, and my idea of a “diet” meant starvation and deprivation.
As we drove across Lincoln Highway, I felt a blanket of confidence overcome me. I wasn’t the same 22 year old who left 16 years ago. This time, I didn’t dread this major event, I EMBRACED it. This time I was comfortable in my football game ready hoodie, sneaks, and jeans. This time I didn’t try to hide in a sea of people because I felt like I “didn’t fit in” or “didn’t look the part.”
At the game, I met up with my niece who’s a student there. Before we parted I asked her was she okay, but I wasn’t talking about money or grades. I asked was she making friends, did she have peers to do things with. As she assured me she did, I couldn’t help but secretly be a bit envious and extremely proud at the same time of the confidence she exudes at her young age. I’ve transformed many times throughout the years, but this is the first time my transformation is FOR ME; not to please anyone or meet any insane criterion.
Transformation shows the ability to overcome and move forward. Most days are salmon and kale, occasionally there’s a donut day, but I am moving at MY OWN PACE and I am LOVING who I see. You can DEFINITELY go home again, but with growth and progress, you won’t stay there. Now, let me turn on Spotify to re-live my “Eve” Scorpion phase.